Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One year later

So, as of today, my husband has been deployed a year. 365 days. 12 months. Way.Too.Long.

I am so very proud of him.  I am also so proud of myself.  I didn't think when we began this journey that I was capable of loving someone so far away.

I don't really know where in the world he is.  I never know exactly what he is doing.  All I know is that his days are our nights and our nights are his days (for the most part).  I know we both look up into the sky at night time and stare at the same moon because frankly it is as close to together as we can be right now.

I miss him terribly.  I am sad that he has missed so much.  Jayson's 1st birthday, my whole 3rd pregnancy, moving across the country, all of the holidays, Jayson's first word, his 1st steps, our 4th wedding anniversary, Zakary's birth, his 1st smile, 1st time rolling, Hayden's 3rd and 4th birthdays, his 1st day of preschool....and I could go on and on.

But, I do know that he will be home soon.  I also know that we will one day live under the same roof and look at that same moon in the same place, not worlds away from each other.  There is light coming through this perpetual tunnel we have been trapped in for a year now and I am so thankful to finally be able to see it.

I posted on facebook this morning about it being a year and all that jazz.  Some people told me how I was amazing and inspiring.  I appreciate the comments and all but maybe I am just humble because I don't feel amazing.  I don't feel inspiring.  I feel like I am a wife, standing beside my husband while he does his job.  Just as he was asked to his, I am doing mine.  I am not doing anything other than helping to get my family through this.  I am just doing what a military wife does.  I am trying to continue on with how things were when he left.  Just as I will be doing the exact same things when he returns.  I guess in all this it is my job to create a constant and I just hope I am doing a good enough job of that.

I just want to say very quickly that the man that I dropped off one year ago today, is my hero, my love, my everything.  I cannot, even from a world away, imagine my days without his love.  And, I thank him for being right beside me in everything even from so far away.

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